A Misguided Tour of Sevoria
Tsxesøl 11 * Iul 1997

Stroov and welcome to the eleventh issue of the temporarily Jameldless and disturbingly purpureal Zolid Matters, known to its friends as ZM11 and to others as 'Another one already?' You may possibly be glad to hear that the Sevorian Research Sub-committee (consisting of your lightly esteemed Ed and the renowned Alexis Hansen) have been conducting extensive investigations into the little-known Sevorian language and culture. This special issue of Zolid Matters, with all the usual top features given a Sevorian twist, is but the gleaming translucent blue tip of a vast iceberg's-worth of new information which has recently been discovered. If our usual Jameldic bits leave you puzzled, bemused or disgusted, then please hide all sharp implements, strap down the cat and brace yourself for the Zolid Matters Sevorian Special...


Unknown to most historians and philologists, a culture has survived hidden for centuries in the north somewhere. According to the traditional account passed on by word of mouth, rumour and hearsay, the Slavic people who were to become Sevorian sailed north from what we now know as the Polish coast, at a time when the Slavic languages were still mutually intelligible. They struck land and made their home on an island in the Baltic, close to but south of Gotland and Öland, an island they now call Sievrih (in English, Sevoria). Don't bother looking for it in your atlas, because due to a strange quirk of international conspiracy it won't be there. The world's finest cartographers have been so totally flummoxed by the topologically impossible coastline of the island, which cannot be correctly represented on paper (nor indeed in any less than five dimensions), that they have collectively refused to portray Sevoria at all on their work. Due to this remarkable boycott and a number of other bizarre coincidences, the Sevorian language (known to native speakers as Sievrøsku) has evolved almost completely isolated from other Slavic languages, with the Sevorians' main trading and cultural contact being with Scandinavian peoples. Hence, the basic vocabulary and grammar of Sevorian is Slavic (albeit mutated and twisted over time through Scandinavian influence), but the many new words required to express the events, activities and technologies of modern times have been borrowed, stolen and otherwise purloined from Swedish.


As threatened, for this issue and this issue only, ZM features a small selection of remarkably useful words and phrases in Sevorian. But first, this:

Dorøg, seta pritsxin sut ed-derevvusii vloisvø tvøi?
Darling, why are there woodlice in your hair?

Ist letsxnih novu lusxostkø.
It's a new treatment for baldness.

Nu isx nee lusxu.
But you're not bald.

Videiøsx, aarbøt du!
See, it works!

If you ever manage to find your way to Sevoria [an astonishing feat in view of the map situation--Ed.], the following may be of some small assistance.


Do you speak Sevorian/English?
Il skasøsx Sievrøsku/Anglisku?

Yes / No
Du / Ned

Videduu tvin voskar

That should keep you going for the first twenty seconds or so on the island, anyway.


This is an advance notification that the third International Jameld Day will take place on Saturday, September the 13th of this year. The somewhat surprising success and popularity of the first two such events has ensured that, for 1997 at least, the tradition will continue. It is anticipated that the theme this time around--"food"--will be broadly acceptable to all BJZ members, and the expected presence of Doctor Strel and his Patent Therapeutic Fruitcake along with the massed bands of the Jameldic Jam-Makers Institute should prove to be an appealing attraction. Readers with long memories (or ring binders) will recall how ZM7 reported on the remarkable talents of our Disinformation Officer, Sir Osric Eftmingler. Fans of Eftmingler's desk-bound art may be interested in his planned exhibition and demonstration of airbrushed citrus fruit at IJD3; his recent work "Purple Kumquats, Tripe and Bottle" has been widely acclaimed by art critics, butchers and genetically-engineered Fat Mice (TM)--don't miss it.

IJD3-dø--Videduu vin voskar! JJ.


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